Well, I know from experience that if there’s one surefire way to bring on my period, it’s to blog prematurely about how hopeful I am that it has not yet arrived. Which it hasn’t, yet, but we’re only on CD25.

And yes, I’ve had some mild abdominal cramps intermittently over the past five days or so, nothing very intense, nothing very menstrual, but nothing that felt particularly pregnancy-related either. (Um, not that I would know!)

I’ve also been outrageously hot-natured for the past couple of days, especially today, but it’s always so, so hot in the campus buildings anyway, and teaching definitely makes me sweat buckets, so that could just be coincidental.

No spotting yet, but… ah yes, I feel like something might be starting as I type this. See, I told you blogging brings Aunt Flo on. I’ll keep you posted.

Oh, P.S., I’ve lost 30 lbs! Woot!

Signs…?

September 18, 2007

Well, today is CD20. This afternoon I had some strange period-like cramping, and then, while I was on the elliptical machine doing an afternoon workout, I could have sworn I was starting to spot (panties check later was inconclusive, though). I’m even feeling a little bit crampy as I type this.

It’s possible I’m on track for another short cycle, perhaps my shortest yet–I usually have symptoms like this no more than two days before my period starts, so that would mean real spotting tomorrow and bleeding on Thursday–a 21-day cycle, which is unheard of in the Land of Me. Especially when I’ve been working out, since in the past, regular exercise has lengthened my cycles by a few days.

Of course, there’s also the possibility that these are somehow signs of implantation, or even my uterus expanding because of the recent arrival of a tiny embryo. Then again, because of my cold we only managed to have sex one time pre-O this month, so that would be some tenacious little sperm and egg who found their way to each other in there.

But it’s certainly nice to imagine the second scenario, isn’t it?

Busy, busy, busy.

August 27, 2007

Yet again I am slow to update, but this time I have a moderately good excuse–today was the first day of classes, so over the weekend I was busy preparing for the semester. You know, by purchasing various important supplies. I wore that second pair to teach in today, and actually survived fairly well for the full six hours I was on campus–but I was very glad to put my sneakers back on for the commute home!

Happily, my students are adorable. No obvious troublemakers or crazies (I’ve had both in the past, and once, both in one class), and they are such a diverse and fascinating bunch! I hope this semester continues to go well.

Meanwhile, this past weekend we also attended a baby shower–and we have another one coming up in a couple of weeks. Contrary to expectation, I loved seeing our two pregnant friends, and even indulged in some energetic fantasizing about when it’s “my turn.” It helps that we didn’t get any intrusive questions about our reproductive status. For once! That was a relief. And once again our friends’ gorgeous almost-three year old daughter took my breath away with how perfectly sweet, bright, healthy and well-adjusted she is. I really hope when we become parents we can raise a child so well.

Interestingly enough, while there I overheard a related conversation among some other party guests, none of whom I know personally. The woman speaking was saying to a couple of other, much older women, “My hubby and I don’t have any children yet–but we do eventually want a couple.” The other women assured her, “Oh, you have time–” and she replied, “I know, but if you can believe it I’ll be 40 this year!” To which at least one person said, “Well, you’re still young.” She sounded relieved–“That *is* still young, right? I’m glad to hear you say that!” Everyone in this conversation was a black woman.

Of course, as I eavesdropped, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Well, 40’s not THAT young.” But in keeping with my new attempts at more positive thinking, I immediately squashed that thought, and replaced it with, “I really hope she has absolutely NO trouble conceiving.” And honestly, I do. Still, I am very surprised when I hear these kinds of conversations–my mom recently told me about an acquaintance of hers whose 42-year old daughter still talks about their plans to have kids “in the future,” much to her mother’s chagrin. Of course, I don’t know if such seemingly naive women are only talking this way to deflect unwanted attention to their fertility–maybe they’ve been trying for years and just don’t want to tell the world about it.

If such talk is not a clever ruse, though, then I can’t help but worry for folks like the woman I overheard at the party. She could really be in for an unpleasant surprise. But as I said–I hope she’s yet another miraculous black fertility success story. For that matter, I hope *I* am, too.

A propos of that–no sign of Aunt Flo yet, although today’s only CD24. No particularly promising symptoms, except some throbbing pains in my left breast the other night, and similar but less intense pains tonight. I was also woken up out of sleep by a desperate need to pee last night at about 3am–something that almost never happens to me, and I’m in the habit of drinking a tall glass of water each night before going to bed. I have a bladder of steel, I tell you! Not last night, though.

Still, all that seems pretty dubious. And again, only CD24, and depending on when I ovulated, only 7 or 10DPO. As you may recall, though, this time last cycle I was already cramping, and my period started on the equivalent of CD26. So it looks like this month my cycle just might stretch a bit longer than last. But I’ve been eating better and exercising regularly–in years past, I have managed to forestall my period’s arrival slightly with regular exercise. So I might just have fitnessed myself into a longer cycle, meaning I could start bleeding by the end of the week.

One surefire way to know whether we’re headed for pregnancy or period this go-round is to start taking my temperature again, but, well, I guess I just don’t want to know. I’ve been enjoying the fantasy that I might have magically gotten knocked up this month, so I’m going to keep it up until I have incontrovertible evidence to the contrary.

Delusional? Maybe. But I’m comfortable with that.

Ups and downs.

July 31, 2007

Tonight (CD22) I’ve been having some mild, menstrual-like cramping.

I don’t know what to think–right now I seem to be vacillating between hope and despair.

Why hope? Because mayoclinic.com tells me that “Some women […] experience abdominal cramping early in pregnancy. These cramps are similar to menstrual cramps.” Implantation can cause cramping, I think. And there are all sorts of women on this site who say they were sure their periods were on the way when, in fact, they were pregnant. That could be me, couldn’t it? It sure would be nice.

So why despair? Because my shortest recent cycle was 24 days, so this could very well just be the beginning of Aunt Flo’s arrival for this cycle. That cycle, the spotting that I thought was “implantation spotting,” which happened around 8 days after I ovulated, turned into full-on bleeding two days later–which put me at a not-at-all-normal nine day luteal phase for that month. I’ve never had a cycle that short before or since, but now I know it’s a possibility, which means cramps on CD22 could be kind of a bad omen.

Sigh. Ah, the joys of the two week wait. I guess I’ll find out soon enough when/if I start bleeding/spotting. This cycle I refuse to test until I’m actually “late,” which is more than a week from now. The longest cycle I’ve ever had in in my life was 32 days–so if I’m not bleeding by August 11, then I’ll test. And you can hold me to that.

So, I’ve had some weird cramping today. Of course it’s too soon to be anything pregnancy-related, but that didn’t stop me from Googling “implantation symptoms.”

Anyway, to the subject line of this post: in my searching, I found this site, one of the first to come up in a Google search. It starts out with lots of practical points, like

Implantation can be defined as the attachment of a fertilized egg to the lining of the uterus[.]

and

Implantation […] happens within 1-2 days after arrival of the zygote/blastocyst in the uterus, usually around 9 days after ovulation (dpo), with a range of 6-12 days.

Sure, makes sense. Hey, I read TCOYF, I know the drill.
What does NOT make sense is the last line of this particular informational page, which reads as follows:

If you are among the lucky few who can feel implantation, then it may feel as if an angel is touching you inside the womb with the tip of one of the feathers of his wings.

Erwhaa?

Maybe this was sarcasm. Please, dear god in heaven, let it be sarcasm.

Now, I have nothing against angels, and their wings, and the (surely) glowing, iridescent feathers on those wings, and if angels want to reach out to uteri around the world and tickle them with the tips of said glowing feathers, more power to them. The angels, I mean. Hey, your wings, your decision. But is it just me, or does it seem at all strange that a presumably medical site (“med” does appear in the URL, after all) includes this on its FAQ page? Don’t worry, that question is purely rhetorical.

In any case, I have not yet been touched by an angel, that I know of. I will most certainly keep you posted.